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'I am terrified' | UT Jewish community still reeling after hostage situation at Colleyville synagogue

One University of Texas student who called Congregation Beth Israel in Colleyville her sanctuary said she now second guesses expressing her Jewish background.

AUSTIN, Texas — Two days after a man held four people hostage inside Congregation Beth Israel in Colleyville, people in the Jewish community are still finding the words to respond to what happened.

"We watched in horror – like, we were in complete shock because it doesn't sound real," Olivia Zelling said.

Zelling's family had been members at the synagogue up until a couple of months ago. She celebrated her bat mitzvah with Rabbi Charlie Cytron-Walker, one of the hostages on Saturday. Zelling calls him a close family friend.

"This is what put my synagogue on the map, right? And I cannot fathom this atrocity," Zelling said. "I can't fathom that it happened in my sanctuary where I had my bat mitzvah, where my little sister had her bat mitzvah, where the rabbi conducted my grandfather's funeral. Rabbi Charlie has been with us through the lows and the highs."

Zelling is also a sophomore at University of Texas and a member of Texas Hillel, one of the university's few Jewish organizations. On Saturday morning, she texted Texas Hillel Rabbi Will Hall trying to spread the word of what was happening before news crews arrived on the scene.

"It brings up a day's worth of feelings of such hatred, such strong anti-Semitism that doesn't really go away," Hall said.

Zelling's first question to Hall: what security measures does Texas Hillel have in place?

"We are in touch with one another," Hall said. "We have a network. We are not alone. You are not alone. And we invest a lot of time and energy into security. And we want our students to understand that if they're with us, they are safe and that this is on our mind as well."

"It's kind of sad to think about, like in order to pray, you have to be surrounded by police, right?" Zelling said. "We have the First Amendment. You should be able to pray anywhere, worship anywhere, not in fear."

UT's spring semester gets underway on Tuesday with virtual classes. As students start to make their way back to campus, Zelling has a different mindset around outwardly expressing her Jewish background.

"I'm very openly Jewish. I'm very proud to be Jewish, proud of my heritage and my ancestors and my religion and ethnicity," Zelling said. "Now, it's making me second guess, like now I'm terrified. I am terrified. I've never once for a minute thought maybe I shouldn't wear my Jewish star in public anymore. And I think that's saying a lot."

Texas Hillel posted on social media on Saturday that the organization's leaders would be available to speak with students, faculty and staff as a way to help process through what happened.

Like so many around the world, we are watching the horrific hostage situation at Congregation Beth Israel in...

Posted by Texas Hillel on Saturday, January 15, 2022

RELATED: Austin Jewish community leaders call Colleyville synagogue hostage situation 'personal'

"I imagine it will come up in services," Hall said. "It won't be the focus, but you have to be head-on to try to process something. And I think sometimes as religious clergy members, when something like this happens, you also have to model to students and others. We are also dealing with this, and it's OK to show emotion. It's OK to process. It's OK that that often takes time and trust that if I'm going through this, I'm certainly OK with you going through it and hoping you can talk to me as well."

Saturday's hostage situation is just the latest in anti-Semitic events in Texas. In Austin, an arsonist set fire to Congregation Beth Israel and a group of people hung anti-Semitic banners over MoPac

"This is a thing for nightmares, but I can't say I'm surprised because the Jewish community has been talking about it for years," Zelling said. "There is a scary trend happening all across the country and it culminated in this horrific event that will forever haunt me, will forever haunt the members of Congregation Beth Israel in the Jewish community as a whole."

With classes starting up again, Zelling is hopeful that student groups and UT will take anti-Semitism more seriously in the wake of this most recent attack.

"It's almost like a trauma bond at this point, but that's awful, right?" Zelling said. "We are all connected because we are strong and we will overcome this, I think, and I hope and we will heal from this."

"We can be very honest and open about the challenges that this past week gave us, and we are better off experiencing those things together than siloed or on our own," Hall concluded.

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