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How Many Tricks Does It Take to Get a Treat?

How Many Tricks Does It Take to Get a Treat?

by Christie Humphries

Posted on May 25, 2010 at 1:59 AM

Updated Tuesday, May 25 at 2:08 AM

I'm so glad that San Francisco Barbie ditched her pink Corvette for a convertible Audi.  It makes the show so much more realistic.  And the men...well all I can say is I've never seen a bunch quite like this one.   First we've got Kyle, who is a self-proclaimed mountain man, more likely to club Ali and drag her back home to his cave, than actually get a rose.  Then, there is Craig M, otherwise known as Christian Slater, only less famous and with better hair, yet kind of creepy at the same time.  We have an "entertainment" wrestler with a broken foot,  a 29 year-old lawyer going on mid 40's with his bad 70's hair, and a guy who got down on one knee and proposed at first sight...with a cubic zirconia ring of course.  What a LUCKY LUCKY girl.

So what did these boys do to win her heart? They brought everything but the kitchen sink...paper roses, plastic roses, scrapbooks, tiny yellow sneakers, and hand-made wooded necklaces.  They sang songs.  They jumped through sunroofs.  They did back flips, gave salsa lessons, and even told their most embarrassing stories...all for the love of Ali.  I didn't know whether to be jealous of Ali or feel sorry for her.  I mean, we'd all love to have 25 reasonably attractive men stream out of a limo and tell us over and over and over again how gorgeous we are and how much they can't wait to get to know us.  But honestly, by the second or third magic trick/craft project/insincere compliment, I think I'd consider calling Eharmony.

It's always difficult to remember all of the bachelors by name on the first episode, so I've made a couple of notes next to the names of those who made the cut, just in case you need a little reminder of who they are.

First Impression Rose:

Roberto - Taught her how to salsa dance.

Everybody Hates Him But You Think He's Hot Rose:

Justin (A.K.A. Rated R) - The wrestler with the broken foot.  Looks a little bit like Brody Jenner.  Voted out by the other men, but saved by Ali.

Other Rose Finalists:

Jesse- The cute, young, wood carver

Ty - Reminds me of Ed a little bit

Craig R - Gave her little yellow tennis shoes

Tyler B - Have no idea who he is.  Will probably be cut next week.

Frank- Only guy still wearing glasses.  Jumped through sun roof.  Lived in Paris and writes screenplays.

Steve - Has really curly hair.

Chris L - Cute, but don't know what makes him special.

Kirk - Scrapbook maker

John C - Proposed with a fake rock.  Only gets you past the first show.

Chris M - Very nervous and shy

Chris H - Very cute and smiles a lot

Hunter - Likes to sing songs on his yukalaylee

Craig M - Otherwise known as Christian Slater

Jonathan - The weather guy in aqua.

Casey - super sweet with weird voice.

After No Rose Interviews:

Kyle - overly outdoorsy guy...headed back to the tundra to ice fish and trap himself a wife in the woods.

Derrick - Nicknamed "Shooter".  The early humiliator.

Jay - I wish I could have made a better impression, but I have bad 70's hair and look a little like Quentin Tarantino.

The other 7 didn't even bother to stop for an interview on their way out, because when it's all said and done...they're all roseless and who wants to further the embarrassment by admitting that they feel like a failure...oh wait Kyle actually said that.  Poor guy...maybe he should have cuddled with the bear instead of killing it.