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"Bachelor" Blog: This is no fairytale

by Christie Humphries

kvue.com

Posted on January 9, 2012 at 11:32 PM

Updated Tuesday, Jan 10 at 1:25 PM

Ben might have been the one wearing the sheep costume on the group date, but the women on this show are definitely the wolves in sheep’s clothing. I’ve never seen this many evil trolls in one room and they all have one woman that they love to hate -- Blakely! There was no end to the nicknames and comments throughout the show. Blakely was referred to as a "Stage 5 Clinger," "Horse Face," "slut," "hooker," "jugs," "a dog in heat," and "someone that you wouldn’t take home to dad, just something that you can motorboat." Yes, that actually came out of a girl’s mouth! Well if that doesn’t make you want to go cry in the luggage room alone, I don’t know what does. I can’t say that I’m a fan of the girl, but come on ladies, give the girl a break.

What I don’t know is what the hell is wrong with that girl Jenna? Is she on something? Is she mixing her anti-depressants in her pinot noir? I mean she must have realized what a freak show she made of herself the first night. You’d think she would wise up by week two, but no. She completely loses it again! When Ben took Jenna outside for some one-on-one time, she started out okay by thanking him for giving her another chance, but then it all became a jumbled mess. I had to rewind the show several times to make sure I could capture this quote, “I just feel like I’m a guy in how I act, and so like being around girls all the time is very abnormal for me. And what people say…and I don’t want you to think that I’m not…I mean it might appear as if I’m not…I’m mean it’s hard because there’s only you…and it’s waiting around for you…and I mean it’s totally worth it, but I mean I’m not like a girl, if that makes any sense.” NO! It doesn’t make any sense. All Ben could say was, “I appreciate that” before Jaclyn walked over and interrupted, “Can I jump in?” Yes! Please, please stop this. My ears are bleeding.

When Jenna said that drama brings out the worst in you and that she had a constant battle going on in her head, she really wasn’t kidding. She has an entire cast of crazies running around up in there. And apparently they all tell her to run away and cry. Night One it was the bathroom. Night Two it was the bedroom under the covers. If Ben hadn’t walked by and heard her sniffling, she’d probably still be there.

How that girl could even pretend to be shocked that she didn’t get a rose completely baffles me. Maybe she’ll get an endorsement deal with Kleenex or Playtex since she was so out of it, she didn’t even realize her dress had slipped down and she was showing off her nude strapless push up bra at the cocktail party. Someone please say a prayer for that one.

Well, I can’t go without mentioning our model friend Courtney. Funny thing about painting a pretty picture; it may look like the real thing, but up close it’s still a fake. I have to give Courtney some credit. She can definitely play the part of the sweet misunderstood girl next door, but the snake really shed her skin when she was around the other girls. She reminds me a bit of the evil witch in Snow White. I can picture her staring at herself in the mirror asking herself, “Who’s the fairest of them all?” or “How’s that taste coming out of your mouth?” That is actually what she said to sweet little Kasie B. when she had to read the date card inviting Courtney to “spin the bottle” with Ben on their one-on-one date. At least for Kasie, it was Courtney getting the sloppy seconds.

I know I said that I didn’t have a favorite this season but I think Kasie won me over. We’ll see how she holds up next week when Ben’s ex shows up to stake her claim. Maybe Kasie can beat her with her twirling baton. I mean, she did get first place. If you don’t use it, you lose it!

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