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The Tale of the Evil Princess, a Tease, and the Psycho

The Tale of the Evil Princess, a Tease, and the Psycho

by Christie Humphries

kvue.com

Posted on January 19, 2010 at 12:05 AM

Updated Tuesday, Jan 19 at 12:25 AM

On this week's episode of The Bachelor, Jake realizes that this experience isn't quite the fairytale he thought it would be.  I'm sorry Jake.  Have you not been watching the last 13 seasons of the show?  Did any of them look like fairytales?  Do your fairytales include train wrecks?  If so, then yes I can see how you made that comparison.

Vienna kicks off the night with her one on one date with Jake.  She was soooo excited to show him the other side of herself that she thought he hadn't seen.  Now let's be serious...she is a 23 year old named after a sausage...how complex can she really be?  The producers decided that the best way to bring Jake and Vienna together would be to throw them off a bridge.  Come to think of it...probably not the worst idea they've ever had.  But unfortunately for the happy couple...they were both afraid of heights.  Jake actually more so than Vienna, which is very strange considering he's a pilot.  It must have something to do with control issues.  Anyway...Jake had quite the little panic attack on the bridge and Vienna had to calm him down and give him the strength to take the plunge.  They screamed all the way down.  Jake was so caught up in the moment that he decided that the perfect time to give Vienna her first kiss was hanging upside down Spiderman style.  I can only guess that the producers put that idea in his head....this is the most dramatic show on television after all.

Following their date, Vienna returned to the house to gush about her experience.  The ladies were not havin' it.  They were hating on her like you would not believe.  I actually feel a bit sorry for her, because I think she is young and probably did make some stupid comments, but not nearly enough to deserve the lashings she took on this show.  The ladies were so convinced that she would not be returning after her one on one date that they just didn't know what to do with themselves when she walked back in the door.  The saddest part of the show is that several of the ladies used their one on one time during the group date to bash Vienna, rather than taking that time to get to know Jake better.  I don't think that you can honestly say that you are really there for Jake, if you are so preoccupied with trying to convince him to kick Vienna off the show.  If she's that awful, he'll figure it out eventually on his own...or the producers will bring back Ed and Jillian to enlighten him.

During the group date, Michelle managed to make herself look crazier than ever.  She always looks like a jungle cat stalking her prey, but this time she made things even more uncomfortable.  During her stand up comic routine, even the audience could tell she was crazy.  You could hear them booing her!  To make matters worse, she started arguing with the other girls at the after party about her true intentions and stomped off crying, which forced Jake to try to do the stand up thing and console her.  Sadly for him, the only thing she wanted him to do was kiss her and make it all better.  You could almost see the pained look on his face...like seriously, do I have to do this, but God bless him he tried.  However, it was not enough for Michelle.  As she put it..."You gotta give me something more than that...are you kidding...that was nothing!"  Just when I thought the pain would never end...Michelle announced that she thought that she shouldn't stay...and to my joy, Jake told her that he thought that it would be better if she would leave.  Oh glorious day!!  I like the spontaneous exits on this season...there's practically no need for the dramatic rose ceremonies, the dates are dramatic enough.

The final one on one date went to Ella, who Jake described as a "wonderful woman", which sounds to me more like something you'd say when describing your mother, but to each his own.  On their date, Jake took Ella to Sea World to give her a big surprise.  Since he missed her birthday, he decided to fly her son Ethan out to join them on their date.  They had a wonderful little picnic and Jake got to spend some quality time learning what it might be like to be a stepdad.  I didn't think that there was much chemistry between them, but Jake gave her a rose and asked her to stay.

Now I usually assume that the girls who are getting kicked off are the ones who receive the least amount of camera time.  So of course I thought that the two girls who would be leaving would be Jessie and Valishia, however Elizabeth managed to sabotage herself by playing games.  She was dangling a carrot in front of him and trying to make him chase her and the bottom line is...that just ain't gonna happen on this show.  You may want to have all the power and that may be what you're used to back in Nebraska, but not here.  You either give it up or go home.  Have you ever seen someone turn down the fantasy suite and go on to get a rose? No!  So why would you think that you would make it until the end without ever giving the boy some lip?  So sorry you had to learn the hard way Elizabeth.  I'm sure Jessie is excited that she gets to hang around a little bit longer in your place.

 

 

 

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