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On The Wings of Love

On The Wings of Love

by Christie Humphries

kvue.com

Posted on January 5, 2010 at 12:08 AM

Updated Tuesday, Jan 5 at 12:15 AM

They say that you only get one chance to make a first impression…well someone should have given these ladies a “Do This…Not That!” guide to meeting The Bachelor.

Do… tell him that he looks handsome
Don’t… tell him how obsessed you are with the show and how much you would like to slap Jillian for letting him go.
Do… wear a dress that is flattering to your figure
Don’t… wear a dress that is slit up so high that they have to pixelate your “Britney” as you walk or show so much cleavage that he feels like he’s already gone past first base.
Do… say something that makes you sound sincere and makes you memorable
Don’t… photoshop photos of yourself with Jake and put them on an imaginary spin-the-wheel game.
Don’t… wear creepy leather gloves that make it look like you’re about to strangle him, not take him for a ride on your Harley.
Don’t… wear so many sequins on your dress that the other girls are slipping on them throughout the evening.
Don’t…make REALLY lame jokes and discuss college football rivalries.
Don’t…CRY, say you LOVE him, or use any form of the word MARRIAGE on the first night.
I guess I ran out of Do’s… 
I have to say that Jake wasn’t kidding when he said that his picker was off. I think he picked some of the most obvious train wrecks in the bunch. But then again…this is a man who owns a canopy bed.
Nothing says HOT like a man riding in on a motorcycle wearing the helmet from “Spaceballs”. Really?!! And the Top Gunesque shot of him in the bomber jacket and Aviator sunglasses… was that really necessary? They even pulled out the “Brad Womack” shower scene. We get it…he has nice abs. I don’t have to watch him lathering himself or building a pergola in his backyard to know that he’s a good looking guy…it’s the dork part he needs to work on. It takes me a lot longer to post my blog when I have to look up how to spell things like “Okey Dokey”.
My favorite part of the show is always the in depth interviews with the girls. This season’s show played out more like an episode of “Making of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue”. There were more shots of women in bathing suits and cartwheels on the beach than I care to discuss.   There were actually 6 women with either "Model" or "Dancer" listed as their occupation.  But I have to say that almost sounds better than Valishia, who listed herself as a Homemaker! She’s a single woman. It's okay to say unemployed or just say that you are living off of your trust fund. And if you’re really a homemaker, at least bake the guy a pie, don’t give him a hand full of dirt. God only knows why he saved you.
Jake thinks he’s going to walk off with a fiancé…but I think that if he’s not careful, he’s going to walk off with a phony.
Here are some of my predictions…
Most likely to go into therapy after leaving the show  – Michelle
Most likely to be late for her date because she was checking out her own butt in the mirror – Gia
Most likely to refer to herself as a bitch or to be referred to as a bitch – Christina
Most likely to annoy everyone on the show including the viewers - Ashley
Most likely to make it to top three - Ali, Elizabeth, and Tenly
At the start of the show, Jake said that he had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. By the end of the show...I think we all did, but for totally different reasons.
Tune in next week as Jillian and Ed go on double dates with Jake and the Bachelorettes...I just made that up.

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