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Not Quite Cougar Town

Not Quite Cougar Town

by Christie Humphries

kvue.com

Posted on January 11, 2011 at 12:34 AM

How do you choose between onion breath and an energy suck?  You don't.  You cut them both.  I think the key here is that neither of these women were crying over Brad.  Melissa and Raichel were just being catty women with nothing better to do than to start picking on one another.  Melissa was clearly the weak gazelle and Raichel jumped at the chance to sink her teeth into her.  Now Melissa completely fell apart and made herself look like a crazy person, but Raichel was hardly making a good impression.   She may have "put herself out there", but all you could see were her boobs and her claws.  They both deserved to go home.  I almost felt sorry for Melissa when she kept saying that she gave up a lot to be there...she even quit her job...that was of course until they flashed her occupation as a "waitress".  Honestly Melissa...you are 31...or is it 32...you couldn't seem to remember.  I'm sure the Joe's Crab Shack in Palm Beach is anxiously awaiting the return of their best cougar...I mean waitress.

I think it's the pressure of the massive group date...15 strong...that brings out the worst in women.  Couple that with the birthday prima donna, Michelle, and you have a true recipe for disaster.  No one puts that baby in a corner...she goes there all on her own to cry.  For such a beautiful girl, Michelle clearly has some major insecurities.  I can see why he likes her, but she may need a few years of therapy herself before she's really ready for a mature relationship.  The rest of the ladies seemed to have a great time making out with Brad on the set of their Red Cross commercial.  They really showed Brad that they're not afraid of sloppy seconds...or thirds...or fourths...if that's what it takes to get a rose.
 
Ashley H's one on one date started out a bit strange.  She was dressed in a feathery little dress that made her look like a little chick that had fallen out of a tree.  As Brad walked her into the woods, I was a little afraid he was looking for a place to bury the body...but no.  They flipped a switch and magically the forest turned into a carnival...yes a real carnival.  Nothing says I love you like a Ferris wheel, cotton candy, and a giant teddy bear.  Brad and Ashley bonded over their absentee fathers and managed to make out a lot.  Brad really likes this girl...a lot!  I have to say they are a pretty cute couple.  Almost disgustingly so, but she's likeable.  I think she'll go far. 
 
There was one other one on one date with Jackie, but honestly I don't really remember much other than the fact that she picked the least sexy dress in the entire room and she's only dated two guys in her life.  I actually enjoyed the Train concert at the Hollywood Bowl, but the date bored the crap out of me.  Again...pretty girl...but seemed really young and immature.  I'm not betting on her to be the last girl standing.
 
The cocktail party was a bit of a surprise, especially when they brought in Ali and Roberto to interview the girls and give Brad their opinion.  I'm sorry...did I miss something?  Are Brad and these two friends?  I get it that they have been through the experience, but I wouldn't want someone who doesn't really know me trying to pick out the person that I should spend my life with.  I give that a thumbs down Ali.   And Brad...I really think you should give Coffee Bean another chance.  It's delicious.   If I had to give you some advise Brad...I'd tell you to stock up that fridge with some beer and couple steaks for them eggs.  You don't want to go through this season sober or on an empty stomach. 
 

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