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My Hands are Cold...Could You Hurry Up and Finish Your Poem?!

My Hands are Cold...Could You Hurry Up and Finish Your Poem?!

by Christie Humphries

kvue.com

Posted on June 22, 2010 at 12:56 AM

Updated Tuesday, Jun 22 at 1:04 AM

There is nothing I love more than poetry day on The Bachelorette.  It was no surprise to me that cutie boy Kirk won over Ali's heart and the one on one date with lines like... "I found myself falling into your rich root beer eyes".  The only sad part is that it won him the lamest date ever!  Who wants to go shopping for Christmas sweaters and hangout in a coffee shop? Who are they aspiring to be...the Grizzwalds?  I might have fallen asleep had Kirk not jumped in with his "MOLD KILLS" story of death and survival.  I have to say...that was a pretty amazing story.  The lesson of the day...Don't move into old moldy frat houses.  If the STD's don't get you, the mold will!

The group date to "Caves R Us" was truly adventurous.  They started the date by riding My Little Ponies across the tundra to a great big hole in the ground, where they were lowered one by one down into the icy cave below.  I don't know how thrilled I'd be about going down into a hole in the earth, after finding out that the volcano that was dormant for 200 years, just erupted nearby.  But luckily they all emerged safe and sound in time to watch the sunset in the freezing cold. 
 
Just when I was afraid that there would not be a hot tub scene in this episode, Ali surprised me by taking the boys to the largest hot tub Mother Earth has ever created...The Blue Lagoon of Iceland.  It was some kind of hot spring lake with steam rising off of the surface in the moonlight.  Beautiful and creepy all at the same time.  Ali stripped off her winter coat to show all the boys her bikini body.  One of the guys actually lost his shorts trying to jump in after her...a totally different kind of full moon.  The frolicking began with cocktails as usual and of course Ali took each boy one by one aside for some private conversation.  Poor Ty got lots of hugs in the lake...but not a lot of action.  I thought maybe she was trying to be respectful of the other guy's feelings, but when she went in for the lip lock right away with Chris L., it made me think that maybe Ty had fallen into the friend zone...Chris was obviously in the "friendly" zone.  This was all making little Frank crazy.  Not only did he have to listen to all of their giggling, but they were hiding behind the rocks and I'm pretty sure he couldn't see them anyway without his Buddy Holly glasses.  When he finally got Ali alone, Ali called him out for hiding in the shadows on the group dates.  He never steps up and pushes the other guys out of the way.  He sits around and waits for her to make the move.  No surprise, he didn't get the rose on the group date, but to my surprise Ty did!  Maybe things were a little friendlier than the cameras let on.
 
The two on one date was really no contest.  Even though Justin has a shady quality about him, Kasey pretty much shoots himself in the foot when he busts out with lines like, "I'm Kasey...I'm a Dreamer...I'm a Believer...I love to love, I love to give, I love to share."  This poor kid is sooooo inexperienced and immature.  I think his mom raised him on soap operas and Jackie Collins novels.  As they stood on the ledge and stared out at the erupting volcano, I half expected Justin to push Kasey in.  He certainly fits the description of a sacrificial virgin...I don't know if he is one...but he acts like it.  Not even his tattoo could save him.  The only thing Ali asked Kasey to be was normal, but I'm afraid there is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to Kasey.  I think Ali did the right thing by setting Kasey free.  As he stood there on the ice as Ali and Justin took off in the helicopter, you couldn't help but feel sorry for him.  He's probably still up there drawing hearts in the snow.
 
The show ended with Ali sending Chris N. home without a rose, because let's face it, we are too far along in the season to have to continue using the first initial of the last name to distinguish between the contestants.  There's already one Chris hosting the show.  You can't have more than one contestant with the same name this close to the end, besides the fact that Chris N. barely talks and stands there like some lost child who wandered onto the set.  He can't even finish a sentence or complete a thought.  The producers must have been dying in the limo to get a sound bite worth airing on TV.  The best they could come up with was, "I'm at a loss for words to be honest...had I stuck around maybe I would have come out of my shell."  Somehow, I have a hard time believing that.
 
Tune in next week as Ali learns how to pronounce supposedly in Istanbul, Turkey. 
 

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