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Man Code

by Chumphries

kvue.com

Posted on July 20, 2009 at 11:38 PM

Updated Friday, Oct 23 at 1:30 PM

The Men Tell All special helped to clarify the MAN CODE, which according to David is the unspoken list of rules that men follow, but don't have to talk about....that is actually the definition of unspoken David, but thank you for clarifying.

The number one rule...according to David...is that everyone has a girl back home...which is usually an old girlfriend that you still have feelings for...and as a rule, none of your friends are allowed to sleep with her. This was apparently David's explanation for Wes' girl back home and the reason he was so upset at Jake and Tanner for dogging him out. I was glad to hear Chris Harrison stick up for Jillian when he said, "If the man code is looking out for the guys....where does looking out for Jillian come into play?" Most of the guys did not support Tanner and Jake tattling on Wes. They felt like she was a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders and she would have figured it out eventually. But there were others, like Robbie, who wished they had just told her who it was from the start, because he missed out on a lot of time with Jillian thanks to that fiasco.

The second rule...or at least that's what I'm calling it, is never pull a "Mesnick", which is the full on boo hoo crying over the balcony or railing. As the other Tanner put it, if Jason was a 10 on the Mesnick scale, Jake was right up there with him. David, not surprisingly, had to chime in on this subject too, because of course he thinks it is against the man code to cry. I personally find it very unattractive to see that kind of a display over someone they barely know. But in a normal, healthy relationship lasting longer than say 6 months or so, a little emotion is typically needed for someone to believe you are genuine. Do you need to fall all over yourself in a gut aching display of agony and tears...NO, but some red eyes or tightening of the throat at least shows us you care...more than Wes, who couldn't wait to get home and have some sex.

Number three..Don't be fake. Don't pretend like you are one of the boys, when you're not and don't pretend like you like to drink and take shots when you don't. It is apparently important that you announce that at the beginning to everyone and be straight forward about your unwillingness to rush the little fraternity of alcoholic farters. Had Juan known the rules, maybe they wouldn't have hated him so much. Maybe David wouldn't have asked him to go drown himself...which is apparently another rule in and of itself.

Number four...when a guy says that they want you to go drown yourself or that they want to punch you in the face...they don't really mean that they want you to die or cause you bodily harm, they just don't like you and they want you gone.

Number five...after a month of psuedo dating a girl, it is perfectly acceptable to tell her that she has a nice ass, try to adjust her shirt because you think her boob is falling out and lean in to kiss her without any signal from the girl at all...oh wait...David said that Jillian was giving him signals...she just pulled them back at the last second. I actually don't mind it when someone tells me that I have a nice ass, but apparently the crowd disagreed. The consensus was that you should never tell a girl that she has a nice ass or act inappropriate and drunk. I do agree with the latter.

Number six...don't be perfect, act perfect or tell people you're perfect...it's just not the manly thing to do.

Mark (the pizza guy) decided to take it upon himself to give Jake some advice:

A. No one in America thinks that someone is a black sheep, if they are an airline pilot and the rest of their family is doctors.

B. The next time someone tells you to untuck your shirt at a rose ceremony, don't make it take three hours for them to convince you.

C. Go watch a Rated R movie and come onto the same level as the rest of us.

Once you've done all that, you'll be less "perfect" and more manly and illiterate like the rest of them.

The women, however, seem to love Jake. One of the audience members even asked him if he'd consider being the next bachelor...which he said he thought would be "an honor". It kind of reminded me of last season's Tell All when they mentioned it to Jillian. The producers may actually be testing the waters with Jake to see if he would be interested.

There were some classic lines on the show and I prefer to list them out of order and out of context, since that's kind of how the show's producers do it anyway...

Ed's description of Wes - There's a country singing turd on the roof

Michael's description of Robbie - What up I'm drunk!

Everyone's description of Jake - He is a little strange...awkward...straight laced...clean cut... All American guy. He has probably never stepped on an ant. He's probably had the same haircut since he was six.

Tanner - J-Lo's Butt equals Jillian's feet

Jillian - Wes was the country singer with tattoos who wants a family and wants to sit by the fire and drink a beer...that's exactly what I'm looking for. Yes, I fell for his song. I always thought I would marry a honky tonk cowboy.

Jason Mesnick of his relationship with Molly and break up with Melissa - If people have to point the finger at me and it caused happiness in the end...I'll take the blame.

Ed drunk trying to speak to Jillian - There are so many words you are throwing at me right now.

Globetrotter Special K's advice to Jillian - Kiptyn is not the one for you...He cheated at basketball, he'll cheat in real life. Pizza boy was not a good team player...a marriage is a team. Michael has great hair...see if he's willing to cut it for you. Juan is a good guy, but this is a competition to get guys out of the house and he just invited all of us over to the house.

And finally Jillian of Tanner - If the worst thing I ever had to deal with is a guy sucking on my toes...I'd be happy.

Tune in next week to see which guy will propose...Kiptyn, Ed...or Reid! The preview shows all three men holding rings and a very emotional Jillian wishing she had a GIRL CODE to tell her what to do.

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